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  • Writer's pictureSteve Szakal


Two weeks ago I had my third experience with 5-MeO-DMT. It was my 3rd sitting in the last 13 months. Last year I sat with the medicine three weeks apart. I was going though a very difficult bout of depression at the time and the medicine helped me tremendously. It was the most powerful thing I have ever experienced.

My last experience was very different than the first two times. The first two were very dream like in nature. Once I was sent into my sub conscious my visions were like dreams I have at night. I saw myself as a child, a teenager, and a young adult. It was like being put in a time machine and seeing myself like I was watching a TV show about my life. They say that the medicine gives you what you need, not what you want.

This experience was so powerful it is hard to put into words exactly. I am in a totally different state of mind from last year. My yoga practice has evolved from just the physical to a transcendent journey into self. I am searching for universal truth. Ever since I was a child I have been curious about existence. Who am I? Why am I here? When I was 19 and in prison I had to turn inward and transcend my state of mind to survive those horrible conditions. That time away changed me forever.

When the medicine hit my brain I immediately went into a sleep state. I remember hearing a loud rumbling sound. It reminded me of the sound the planets make in space. I was approaching a beautiful circular white light. A light as bright as the Sun but it wasn't hot or burning like the Sun. It just was. Behind this beautiful light were what seemed like millions of geometric shapes that were moving in a chaotic yet synchronized way. This was the entirety of my experience. I was unconscious for about 9 minutes. When I started to come to I felt this beautiful feeling in my chest. Like I could float off the ground.

Over the next few days I began to process what I experienced. This is what I feel in my heart. The beautiful white light was me. Not me in the physical but the true me. The millions of geometric shapes surrounding the light was the physical. It was matter. The physical body we have is just atoms bouncing off each other. As we age those atoms slow down until we are no more. The light that I saw was something else. It never moved. It stood till and was eternal. It was the true me. It was never born and it can't die.

Writing about this is very difficult. Words can't properly describe what I experienced. There is something inside of us that beyond our understanding. Humans beings throughout time have attempted or even succeeded in finding it. The Buddha found it. The only difference between us and the buddha is the buddha realized he was the buddha. We all hold the power to transcend. We just have to want it and then realize it.

I have now dedicated my life to help others transcend their humanity. Helping others believe in themselves is something that has healed me. I am extremely grateful that I have access to this medicine. I run ultra marathons not for fast times or athletic achievement but to go to that place where the ego dissolves and I can see something in myself. I want to carry on the work of the original yogis who gave up everything to search for the meaning of life and inspire those around them.


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