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  • Writer's pictureSteve Szakal

The light

I sat in the middle of the circle surrounded by strangers. I was more nervous than scared. The woman next to me went first. He heated up the medicine till smoke started to appear. He held it to her mouth and she inhaled the cloud. It started to come out her nose and they squeezed her nostrils so nothing would go to waste. I could see when it hit her blood steam as her head began to get heavy. They laid her down on the tan pillow and I saw her eyes behind to flutter and spasm just like when you see someone go into REM sleep. She was off. It was now my turn.

I took several inhales and exhales and on the final exhale the pipe was held to my lips and I inhaled for as long as I could. I swallowed the smoke to pull the medicine down as far into my body as I could. It took about seven seconds to enter my bloodstream. I looked up towards the ceiling and the walls began to kaleidoscope in on me. Colors and shapes and light swirled around in front of me as they laid me down on my back. I was told I would not remember the next five minutes and I would remember the next twenty minutes. The first thing I saw was a bright white light that was pulsing in front of me like a strong, thumping strobe light. It was scary and beautiful at the same time. I was somewhere else. I then started to see images from my life. I was a child playing with my friends, and I was running around in the backyard of the house I grew up in. It was happiness and joy. I was in this beautiful place that is hard to put into words but it felt safe and eternal. I went to the other side. I went inside energy. I felt this incredible connection to earth and other human beings. The love I felt was like no other. A love that is different than love of family or friends. It was something I can't explain in words but I can explain with the look on my face. I was there. I was here. I was in a strange place that felt like home.

My eyes started to come into focus as if I was coming out of anesthesia. The faces in the room began to appear. Tiny bits of light still appeared from my subconscious. The last remaining effects of the medicine. I was lifted up and put on the sofa behind me. I curled myself up in the blanket I brought with me and just smiled. This was the most powerful experience I have ever had. I have never in my life experienced this kind of power. My ego was destroyed. It showed me something. It was an experience that only I will ever know the true beauty of. It is mine.

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